Lost
by Ruby Slipper
Summary: Bella takes her own life, but not before Edward turns her. Now they can spend an eternity together without fear. But why is Edward still pushing her away? As this new journey begins, is it the ultimate end? Or will Edward and Bella strengthen their love?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Yada, yada, yada. Nothing's mine except what isn't theirs. Anouk's "Lost" was used in this ridiculously short fic. It's in the works fellas. Review! Muchas Gracias!**

* * *

A tear slid down her porcelain skin as his face flashed across her mind.

"If roses were meant to be red."

She picked up the reflecting glass off of the bathroom counter.

"And violets to be blue."

She pressed cold silver to her delicate skin. She shivered.

"Then why isn't my heart meant for you?"

Crimson blood dripped to the tiled floor as she winced in pain.

"My hands longing to touch you."

She pushed deeper.

"I can barely breathe."

And deeper.

"Lost in this world."

Blood flowed down her sculpted arm.

"I even get lost in this song."

Stars danced across her eyes and the pain melted away.

"And when the lights go down, that is where I'll be found."

She dropped the glass to the floor and looked up into the shattered mirror. The remaining pieces reflected her paling skin. She did not recognize herself. Her wrist gushed blood. She looked down to the floor. A silken sheet of rose glistened with the light.

She could no longer hold her dying body upright. Her knees gave. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head. Cold arms gripped her naked form before she hit the floor. Goosebumps reflexively appeared on her unconscious body. Sharp, hungry teeth sank into her delicate neck. Poison coursed through her veins. She felt no pain. Her body hit the floor as the cold embrace was broken. She lay naked in a pool of her blood. The bite mark on her neck blackened and disappeared. Her body turned to ice. And when she woke, her eyes darkened and an unrelenting hunger swept over her changed being.

* * *

**A/N: Oh yes. It amazes me that I had the go nads to write anything to do with Twilight. But, hey! I had to satiate my appetite. Muahaha. Tell me what you think. I have big plans brothaass! This story is t…b….c…. **


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Okay. So I admit that I am slowly becoming enveloped in this fic. This is written post Twilight and prior New Moon. I hope that everyone enjoys. Please review. It does wonder to the writer's enthusiasm.

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Gracefully, she rose to her feet. She inhaled deeply. A thirst sparked within her. What was that amazing smell? She glanced downward. A large mass of dried blood stained the tiled floors. It sparked a deep need within her core. The sweet scent overwhelmed her senses and yet, it was familiar and precariously nauseating. Shards of glass were scattered everywhere. The mirror had been smashed in an apparent frustration. What was left of the jigsaw of silver remained intact where it once resided. She glared at the reflection shining back at her.

"Onyx." She whispered as she gazed into her own eyes.

She touched her pale cheeks. They were slightly more defined than she remembered. She was fascinated by her fingers. They were slim and sensual. She looked down at her body. It was harder than she recalled. Her breasts were fuller. Her legs were leaner. She gazed into her eyes again. The triangular shape reflected only fragments of her face. She adjusted her head so she could see her mouth. Her lips were a tad redder. She forced a smile. The menace it radiated was unsettling. Her frow burrowed in confusion. Her teeth were sharper. Overall, she was a much stonier yet angelic version of the Bella Swan she once was.

She tried to recall how it happened.

In her peripherral vision, the clue to her own mystery rested near the toilet. She bent down and retrieved it with surprising speed and agility.

Memories flooded back.

The jagged edge buried deep in her vein. The rush of blood. And then, blackness.

She had attempted suicide. But why?

"Edward." She whispered.

They had fought. He was angry and she was hurt. She should know why, but she couldn't recall.

A face flashed across her mind and she flinched. It was Jacob. He was jubilant.

She had no idea what all this meant. She had no idea who bit her but knew she had seven choices. She had to find Edward. She had to find the Cullens.

So she ran. She stupidly ran past her truck. She stupidly ran as fast as her body could take her. She ran without thought of consequences to come if someone saw her fleeting frame.

* * *

He had spied on her. He had to know if she was okay after their fight. He knew she would hate it, but he had to. But what he saw nearly killed him, figuratively.

At first he had no idea what she was doing. She grabbed her camera and bolted to the bathroom. There were no windows, so all he could do was listen. He heard her scream in frustration. He heard glass shattering. He heard her sobbing. And then he smelled it. It overwhelmed him and knew that it was a deathly amount leaving her body. Fear rattled his bones and would have stopped his heart. His reflexes were subconscious. He came in through her bedroom window and ran up the stairs. He caught her before her body hit the floor. Her heartbeat was slowing to a halt. He had one choice. He sank his teeth into her. His determination to save his soul mate overcame the monster within. He wanted so badly to stay with her but knew it was the wrong decision. So he left. He left her on the floor in a pool of her own blood and knew the thirst she would feel when she woke.

He had three days until he knew she would come looking for him. He just prayed that she did not satiate her hunger before she came.


	3. Chapter 3

The rain soaked through her clothes to her cold skin. She barely felt anything as she ran. She heard each individual rain drop splat against leaves and branches. Her eyes were more focused than they have ever been in her eighteen years of life. The moon shone bright. The stars were hidden behind clouds. Her hair clung to her skin with its heavy wetness. She recognized the familiar, almost hidden, turn for the Cullen's house. With lightening speed, she was in front of their home within milliseconds.

She took a deep breath, habitual, of course. She banged on the door. She did not realize her own strength. The vibration of her fist on the door reminded her of that fateful day of baseball in the meadow.

The door opened and curious eyes peered down at her. It was Carlisle. He realized who he was glaring upon and his gaze softened and confusion set in.

"Bella?" His soft voice questioned.

"Is Edward here?" Her voice was raspier than she remembered.

With anxiety in his voice, he asked, "who turned you?"

"I need to speak with Edward." Aggravation and impatience threatened her mood.

"Alright, come on in." He opened the door wider for her to pass. He instinctively looked behind her into the darkness. "Where's your truck?"

"I walked." She stated simply as she bounded up the stairs.

"Is that Bella, dear?" Esme's soft voice called from the kitchen.

"Yes, she's here for Edward." He replied.

Esme met Carlisle's gaze from the wide archway of the foyer. "She smells different."

* * *

Edward paced his room, unsettled. It had been exactly three days, two hours, and sixteen minutes.

A soft knock broke him from his thoughts.

"Come in, Alice."

The pixie-like vampire entered his room. Worry etched across her perfect face. "She's on her way."

Edward read her mind to see the picture Alice predicted in her thoughts. "Thanks," he whispered.

"You never told me why you did it, Edward." Demand dripped from his name.

He ignored her question and breathed deep. Her scent was faint, but it was growing stronger. He looked up at Alice, his eyes pleading what his words could not.

She went rigid. Her brow furrowed. "I don't understand."

Edward read her mind, not waiting for her to explain. "You can see the future. You asked me why I did it."

"I wanted to know why you severed ties with her!" Alice paused, trying to read the expression on his beautiful face. "You turned her." She was breathless.

"I had no choice!" He bellowed, defensively.

He tried to calm his anger. "Get out. She's here."

Alice left his room, anger racking her body. Seconds later, the sweet smell of Bella filled his room. He looked over his shoulder to the doorway.

If he could have shed tears, he would have.

It ached to look at her. There were no words to describe her beauty.

"Edward," She whispered.

He lunged at her.

**A/N: Oh goodness. I'm sorry they are so short. But, at least I'm updating regularly. Love to my readers.**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hellloooo. Thanks to my reviewers. You guys rock my socks. **

"No," she growled softly. If he did not have impeccable hearing, he would not have heard. He pulled back with crippling force and his body hit the white wall behind him. His eyes were burning and bore into her with an intensity she had never seen before.

Bella's hot anger radiated off her cold body. She breathed in deep. "What happened?" Her voice still growling low.

He held his strong silence.

"Edward," She demanded.

"I turned you," he whispered.

"Was I dying?" Emotion overwhelmed her.

"Yes."

She slowly walked towards him. Their gazes were locked. "Why?"

"I left you."

"You told me you'd never leave me."

His face was unreadable as he stared into her eyes. It took what felt like hours for him to respond. "I had to," he admitted softly.

"You don't have to do anything you don't want to, Edward. I love you for who you are. And now, I'm a monster just like you. You have no reason to second guess us anymore."

"You're not a monster," he breathed.

Bella smiled. She held out her hand for him to take but he didn't. "What's wrong?" She asked, taken aback.

He shook his head and looked towards the floor.

"Edward. What's wrong?"

"I don't…"

Afraid of what he would say, her voice began to quiver. "Don't what?"

"I don't know how I am going to handle everything."

"What is there to handle? You can't hurt me anymore," desperation dripped from every syllable. She felt pathetic but her intense love for him always made her show how she felt, willing or not.

"I am afraid of touching your hand and kissing your lips and missing the warmth. I already miss the scent of you blood. You smell different."

She could feel every sick emotion creeping into her eyes but no tears would shed. She could feel the pressure on her heart, even though it did not beat. "You can't love me just because of the way I smell and feel! I understand that my scent is what attracted you to me, but I'm still Bella, Edward. And besides…" she couldn't finish what was on her mind. She knew if he could, he would pry into her thoughts.

"Besides… what?"

She looked away from his eyes and began to finish. It took all of her courage and all she could muster was something short of a whisper. "You made me this way."

His jaw clenched. "You were dying! Because of your stupidity!"

Her fear was gone. He had hit a wound and she did not care what she said anymore. "I was dying because I wanted to! Because of you!"

"And I could never live with that!" He bellowed. It should have scared her. It would have scared her before. But not now.

"You once said you could never live without me in your life and you left me! And _I _couldn't _live_ with that, Edward. I didn't want to live without you. And now, that I'm like _this_, because of _you_, you don't want to miss what you threw away?"

"I never said I didn't want it!" He yelled. "I said I don't want to miss it!"

"Is that why you refused to turn me when I wanted you to?"

"That's not the only reason, Bella. You didn't know what you were getting yourself into."

"Yes I did! I was getting myself into an eternity with you! And that was enough for me. That's all I needed for assurance. But I never dreamed that you would regret it simply because I don't smell the same!"

"Bella.." he reached for her hand, guilty of all she accused.

She yanked it away. "No, Edward." She folded her arms around her waist, feeling vulnerable. "If you didn't want to touch me, than why did you jump towards me when I came into your room?"

"I lost control. I saw you and knew that I could lose it and I couldn't stop myself."

She nodded and shifted her weight from one to the other. "Where's my father?"

"On a fishing trip with Bill. He'll be home in the morning."

She couldn't stand the uncomfortable silence and the force of conversation. She sighed in annoyance. "I have to go. I have a _mess_ to clean up."

She walked out of his room and out of the house. She did not hear the questions and goodbyes thrown at her from her second family. She was too wrapped up into her thoughts. She walked home; trying to feel as human as possible. She never imagined it would end up this way. All she wanted was to crawl into her bed and fall into a deep, forgetful sleep. As she climbed the stairs to her bedroom, a harsh realization set in: she would never sleep again.

**A/N: I guess I'm one for short chapters. Love to my readers.**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Wellza, this is chapter dos for me today. Again, shortness.**

The music reverberating from his speaker sank into every fiber of his body. His eyes were clamped shut. His jaw was clenched tight. He didn't breathe. He didn't want to smell the lingering scent of her. Now that she was like him, she smelled stronger yet different and he couldn't pinpoint how. She had left hours ago and the sweet smell of his heroin clung to his clothes, carpet, and pillows. He was stone. The only part of him that moved were his racing thoughts.

Her smile. Her eyes. Her hair. Her dying body. The blood spilled onto the floor. His teeth sinking into her neck.

He growled, "monster."

He heard her words, "my love."

Frustration gripped his trance. He pulled at his hair. "All that I'm living for," he reminded himself. It did nothing to comfort his conscience.

He stood and gazed out into the rich forest. His deepest fear was alive. She was a monster like him and he had never wanted her as much as he had now. She was angelic. His selfishness had prevented him from letting her die. He could have sought help before he bit her. Truth was, he wanted to turn her. He was aching for it; especially when she begged him. His control was slipping ever more with each passing day.

And now that she was changed, he could do whatever he pleased to her and that frightened him.

He pushed her away on purpose. He told her he would miss her warmth and her scent. She smelled even better and he never cared about whether or not she felt warm. Yes, it felt amazing when her warm hand caressed his face, but just the fact that she was touching him is what drove him mad.

His mind betrayed him at every opportunity. He pictured him on top of her, holding her down. He pictured kissing her passionately without fear of crushing her skull. He pictured her writhing beneath him.

"Damn it!" He bellowed.

He needed to calm down. There were two things in his world that calmed him. One of them he betrayed and the other was waiting for him in the foyer.

He ran down the stairs, sat down and slammed his fingers onto the keys. He played her lullaby with such force that it sounded alien. It wasn't the way it should sound. Bella was soft and his heart was soft for her and the lullaby he composed reflected that. But the lullaby he played now was changed to reflect his anger and unrelenting need for his new Bella. His vampire Bella. His everything.

**A/N: I write whenever I get the chance. They are usually small intervals which result in small chapters. For me, it is hard to write and go back later to finish. I am inspired by certain songs and write until the song ends. Sometimes I play it again to write more. But, I usually end the chapter when I feel that I reflected the mood of the characters and the direction I am heading. Hopefully you like it so far. I really appreciate all of my readers. You have no idea.**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Righteous! Chapter six!**

Her knees ached. Her hands burned. Still, she kept scrubbing. The blood on the floor represented more than her once human life. It represented her pain, her frustration, her humiliation, and worst of all: her future. She growled with every push and pull of her arms. She clenched the rag in a deathly grip. She wanted nothing more than to cry her broken heart out. Tears would not come and it ached. She threw the rag across the room. It landed with a heavy splat beside the camera she had thrown earlier in the week. She sat against the door and put her head between her knees. She breathed deep, not needing the air but the calming effect.

Somewhere in the depths of her mind, she heard angry and familiar music. She shook her head to rid the sound. It burdened her still. She focused on the melody. It was her lullaby but with a violent edge. Edward's hands pounding upon the tuxedoed keys flashed behind her eyes.

Somehow, she knew he was playing.

The memory of Jacob's laughing face came back to her.

"What does it mean?" She exasperated.

She looked up and her eyes fell upon her silver camera. She quickly stood and snatched it up; still amazed at her agility. She pressed the power button, her fingertip white with the unnecessary pressure. It would not turn on. She rotated it, looking for damage. The screen was cracked and the lens was falling out of its' socket. It was unsettling. The need to view the pictures would not leave her. She had an intuition that the captured moments held answers to her riddle.

Leaving the camera, she headed to her bedroom. She sighed as she sat at her computer desk. She was strangely discontent.

She leaned back and gazed up at her ceiling. The puzzled need was becoming unbearable. She stood and began to pace. She glanced into her mirror and stopped short.

Her eyes.

She remembered when Edward's eyes were this color. He was more cranky than when they were topaz.

She was thirsty.

Panic rose within her like lava, burning her throat. What was she going to do?

* * *

Carlisle let Edward finish his song before he confronted him.

Reading his thoughts, Edward answered his question before he spoke, "I do no want to talk about it."

"I need to know what happened," Carlisle demanded.

Edward stood from the bench and headed for the staircase.

"Edward, you are going to tell me what happened. She cannot do it alone and you know it."

"She'll come to us before she feeds." Edward felt uneasy talking about Bella that way. It sounded unnatural.

"What if she does not?"

"Talk to Alice," Edward commanded flatly.

"Edward!" He roared.

He turned at the ferocity of his name. Carlisle did not speak. He did not need to. "She slit her wrist and I turned her. She was dying."

"Why would she do such a thing?" Carlisle was appalled at the thought of young Bella taking her own life.

"Because of me. Because I tried to leave to protect her and I hurt her beyond anything I could have enflicted physically. And now she's gone because after I turned her, I still pushed her away." His heart ached.

"You cannot push her away, Edward. She needs you now more than ever."

Not wanting to admit to knowing Carlisle was right, "she has the rest of you." He turned his back and began climbing the stairs.

Carlisle growled and pounced upon Edward--knocking him down with a thunderous clash. Carlisle pinned him down, the stairs digging into Edward's spine. He gripped him by the collar of his shirt. His face inches from Edward's, he spoke with a deep, low snarl, "you will go to her and bring her here before she hurts someone! You will not let this family fall! Go to her and that is not a request!" He shoved himself off of him, his hard glare never leaving Edward's. Feeling as though his point was made, Carlisle stalked into the kitchen to meet Esme, who had overheard the entire incident.

Edward lay there astounded. He let Carlisle's words seep in. Against his will but without a choice, he climbed into his Volvo and raced to Bella's house.

And when he crept threw her window and into her empty bedroom, it was then that he yearned to read her mind more than ever.

**A/N: Oh goodness. Thank you reviewers. Love to everyone of you.**


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